There is no way I can begin writing this blog and not avoid sounding like an edgy teenager, but in the end I am writing this more for myself than for others to listen to my amazing opinions on stuff most people don't care about. So, I'll begin talking about something I have been thinking recently but haven't been able to write down. I don't think luck exists, and I don't know if that opinion is common or not in the world nowadays. I know a lot of people believe in either luck or the existence of a god that protects us or gives us good things, but I don't believe in either, at least not yet, and it's a simple explanation so let me put it like this: If you head into anything looking to be offended, you will be offended. Be it a piece of media or something tangible if you go into it looking to be offended or to hate it you will always find something there no matter what it is and no matter how stupid or nonsensical the reason may be. If you head outside and you're in a bad mood you'll only focus on the bad and overlook the good most times due to how your brain distorts your reality and the world around you depending on your mood. When talking about things like the chance of you getting into an accident and dying I don't think it comes down to anything. A book/movie that describes perfectly what I feel is No Country For Old Men, which hypothesizes that there is no order or sense of justice in the universe nor anything that controls or justifies any of the events that take place in our lives. The tides can turn in any second for any of us, and there is no law or order that can control what happens. No matter our intentions, our dreams, our willpower, we are always at the mercy of this "randomness".
As I am typing this a multitude of awful things could happen to me this very second, thus killing me and making me unable to ever post this, but if we think of everything that can go wrong we end up not appreciating all the good that can also happen in our lives. It's important to have a balance, to think about the good and bad that can come from all your actions and choices in order to not blind yourself from all the possibilities. With all that said, I think luck is exactly that. When you say you have bad luck, you most likely are either thinking negatively about things due to your mindset or confined to a belief that things happen in your life for a reason and are not just random. Of course you can increase or decrease your chances of certain (good or bad) things happening if you plan things beforehand or take precautions but absolutely nothing in this world is a guarantee, and that is what everyone has to live with. The religious belief that you are being protected by some higher force I feel like is born from either ignorance or a refusal to admit that you are weak and powerless to the forces that control you, that can "choose" to end your life at any second. That sounded really edgy god damn, but that is what I really believe in, I'm weak and powerless, we humans are fragile things, even the strongest of us can fall in seconds depending on the circumstances, and accepting that is a scary yet freeing thought that has honestly made me rethink many aspects of how I am living my life.
With all that said, another subject that I have personally thought about a lot and that has been present for the longest time in my life, is loneliness. I have been alone for most of my life, always having struggled to make friends and connections, and been a quiet and introverted person who kept to myself. I don't think I should blame myself for it, but it is mostly my fault more than anything. For many years, moreso the time before quarantine, I made the mistake of blaming others for my loneliness, "No Matter How I Look At It, It's Your Fault I'm Not Popular!", and I severely regret doing that while also acknowledging I didn't know better at the time since I was a stupid kid. I had a terrible superiority complex wherein I thought everyone else was stupider than me for not having interests similar to mine, and I would refuse to even try striking a conversation with anyone in the hopes that people would attempt a conversation with me, which never happened. I always just stayed alone drawing in class and getting bullied, and when I got home I would go play videogames and watch YouTube, only being able to rant about and share my interests to my grandma since I had nobody but her. My theories about how people are so alone are many, so I'll just share the stuff I believe in the most. I think it's a combination of factors, them being: The fact people don't need physical company to feel like they are not alone anymore with the dawn of social media and recently AI friendships and even relationships (which is just dystopian and genuinely scares me), our tendency to form groups or to keep to ourselves, concepts we've created over our history as social creatures like embarrassment, shame, preconceptions, jealousness, etc; and most of all, our own minds. People nowadays are more alone than ever and things will probably only get worse with time considering how the big players and elites of the world are more focused on exploiting our loneliness for their personal gain than using their influence to do good in the world.
Still, I also think, what is there to even do about it? We have already made up our minds and social media is here to stay, unless an EMP ultra bomb destroys all technology and we go back to the industrial revolution or something like that, and even if that happened people in the past have also had difficulty making friends or been neurodivergent, so I can't even think of anything that would solve this or even just minimize the problem, it's something most people just have to live with or try to fix. Why did I decide to get into this subject again? Sometimes I get carried away by my own rambling. I think about most of this at midnight before I go to bed, or when I have to sit in silence. For me, silence is the closest we can get to having something truly holy in this world of ours. I'll talk way more about silence tomorrow, or whenever I decide to bother to update this gosh danged website. Now, how should I end this? I don't know, how about I recommend a song to you all. Listen to the song "The Sign" by Nujabes! Fighto on nanodesuyo~ !!!