Today, I wanted to talk about truth and how confidence relates to that, and share some things about myself. Are you your true self? Are you the person you want to be, or do you just pretend to be them? Many days and nights I wonder about these questions, and how I would answer them. I wouldn't say I'm the person I want to be, I have no confidence and can't overcome my shyness and inability to form meaningful connections with others, but I also wouldn't want to be too confident and talkative. I don't think I can ever change who I am to the point of becoming an extrovert but I know I can improve myself just by leaving my comfort zone, as hard as that may be.
I'm not a brave and confident person, nor have I ever been. I can't really speak much about it but I've never really had my own voice on things. Still, do I pretend out of fear to be confident, to be brave, to be the person other people want me to be? No, and that's something I've carried with myself my whole life even when many people have tried to tell me otherwise. I am unabashedly myself and will never stop being myself, despite what others think of me. It always struck me as weird seeing how many people lie about themselves for friends or relationships, you know that even if it works you'll have to keep up that lie forever hoping they don't find out, and you'll never be able to be truly you ?! I get lying about small things that won't make a difference (although even that can be overdone to the point of being bad), but lying about who you are? I could never do that, the thought of it averses me, there is nothing in this world that could make me stop being who I am, not even if I tried.
I'll always be a weird nerd who likes weird shit, I can grow up, mature, get a family even, but I'll never stop being that person on the inside and I'll never try to hide that from others. If you're on a relationship with someone, why would you try to hide your true self from them? Is it because you're not brave enough to let them see the real you? You're afraid they'll abandon you for being who you are? I don't even like myself that much but I would never make an attempt to lie to others like that, it's just not in my nature. It makes me so glad to see there are so many people out there that are unabashedly themselves as well, even when they get judged so harshly for it. The world isn't a kind place to anyone, it's double as harsh to those who don't conform, who have "weird" hobbies, who do "weird" things, who aren't taken seriously and are made fun of because of some arbitrary rules society has invented. I, despite never having gone through any of that (yet), respect those who keep being themselves more than anyone else out there, and I hope everyone who still keeps being themselves has an amazing life (as long as they're not doing something illegal or that hurts others, that would be opening a whole nother can of worms… maybe for another entry in the future).